im feeling very useless right now. in fact, i realised that i have no talent!

you know people always say.. when god takes away something, he will give you something in return? (im not religious btw)

i realised that.. perhaps god forgot to give me something in return after taking away so many stuff from me?

1) Looks
i'm not blessed with super good looks. i'm only average and i bet you wont take a second look at me when you see me on the streets.

well, i tried putting make up.. but i suck at it. & worse of all, noone notices if i DID put make up. & when they know, they always say the same thing: "got put meh?"

hoho & i wonder if that is a compliment. whadday think?

2) Brains
I used to be the second in class for english during primary 2. but when i rose up to other levels, i had no idea what my placing was.

coming from rosyth (school that provided gifted lessons), it's no wonder why i was looked down upon from EM1 and Gifted class students.

PSLE results were trash. i scored 208. Out of the 8 girls in my class, i ranked 2nd last one. to think i was happy to have won my sister by 8 points. simple joy i had last time.

with that kind of results, hello to neighbourhood sec. perhaps that was the only 4 years i felt my brains fully working to it's maximum capacity.

well, i didn't study during sec 2 streaming, but by surprise.. i got into double pure science and double math class. (the best) i strived like siao during sec 3 and 4. My english was considered as one of the best amongst the class. but no, i didn't get the best grades. i was still lower than other classmates.

so when i went into Mass Communication in NP, my morale dropped even more. everyone was super fluent with their language. i couldn't understand the words they were using cause my vocab was bad. i failed the first time, second time and third time throughout the 3 years of my course. each blow was dealt with tears and anger. i hated failing.

today, i went for my BTT test which i completely forgotten until my sister reminded me last night at around 8 plus in the night. I hugged Buddha's leg at the very last min and guess what, i failed. WHO THE HELL FAILS THEIR BTT TEST? there is a good reason for them to name it "BASIC" theory test isn't it. i felt downright useless and kind of agitated. close to tears but stopped. (think my pms was making me real emotional)

3)MISC

I don't have a great bod. In fact, i'm too flabby for my own good. I'm not good at sports, i lack stamina.

I lack confidence and i'm easily swayed by people.

i don't wish to go on. very sad ahh.

so tell me, god must have forgotten about me when it comes to giving back right? :(

Labels: rants